I cant believe its time for Smarked for Death either Zema!
Some free time to watch wrestling! Also, big surprise for longtime readers. My wife agreed to watch it too. So if she says anything that absolutely must be quoted within the article now you know who’s saying what.
Show opens with an Aces and Eights video package. I have said this for awhile, TNA is episodic. Things take months and months to pay off. Its been months since I sat down to watch TNA but seeing all of these clips together damn this is one hell of a story line.
Wow. TNA’s largest crowd in history and you can tell. Just look at all the people. One of the most professional scenes in TNA history. They just look big and worthy of that number two spot.
X Division title match:
Zema Ion vs. Christian York vs. Kenny King (X Division champion).
Started to explain to my wife who all the guys were just in time to see Kenny King miss the moonsault attempt and nearly break his neck. We all know he’s alright now so I can say. I like seeing the reactions of the other people in the company while things happen. Specifically Christy Hemme freaking the fuck out on that bump.
I’m telling the wife (whose name is Elise, I may as well refer to her properly right) who everyone is and we’ve broken down to the guy with the funky hair. No the other guy with funky hair.
Wow this crowd is into it too. TNA may have done a great thing by getting out of the Impact Zone.
Not sure that I’ve ever seen a Tower of Doom with a fall away slam spot. I love variations on moves.
What the fuck was that? Neckbreaker and a DDT? Over 10 years later and the X Division matches still bring it each and every time. This has been a great opener for the show.
King gets the win following the Royal Flush and that was one hell of a bout.
Backstage promo featuring Joseph Park, Daniels and Kazarian.
Joey Ryan vs. Joseph Park.
I just told Elise that Park is Abyss. Blew her mind. Speaking of blowing, Joey Ryan brings the perversions and man what an easy gimmick to get over. I don’t mean its easy to do, but you can have anyone walk into a wrestling show and they will immediately get who and what Joey Ryan is. That’s a well done gimmick.
Where the hell did Park get a deep arm drag from?
Park uses his size to his advantage, but in a different way than Abyss. More of a defensive use of his size. Joey bounces off of him and harms himself with Park’s size, as opposed to Abyss who would run through his victims.
I was just looking up the history of this character and Joseph Park has been around for a year. Honestly, a character like this has probably extended his career.
Joey is by far the better wrestler, well better than Joseph Park should be. Park is doing a great job of seeing other options and even ucking into things. Park foolishly goes for a Sunset Flip but Park remembers just how big he is and sits down on Ryan’s chest. No glass coffee table here! Just right onto Ryan’s chest for the pin.
What me worry?
Jeff Hardy arrives. Bully Ray, Brooke Hogan and Hulk Hogan all talk.
Knockouts title match:
Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky (Knockouts champion).
Tarrn Terrell as the referee of course. Who Elise says looks like Penny from the Big Bang Theory. I may refer to her as Penny referee now. “Keep calm and let the pigeons loose”. Now I need to explain the pigeons thing. Explain the unexplainable. Is there an English to Taz dictionary?
Holy crap this is a good match. I have less and less time during the week to watch wrestling which is a shame. And I’ve always been a huge fan of womens wrestling. The real kind not just models rolling around. This has been a great match.
Gotta love the old NWA, WCW, Southern style raised entrance ramp.
Damn! I hate to say Botchamania because the show has been quite good, and I don’t mean it in a mocking way. But there has been some nasty missed spots tonight. Gail came up to bring her leg down on Velvet but Sky moved and some neck damage was narrowly avoided.
Gail holds on to the referee to avoid getting taken down but also turns that support into an assisted Eat Defeat. Velvet barely kicks out. Taryn warns Gail but Kim is so confident in her skills he doesn’t give a shit. She slaps the referee and dares Terrell to DQ her. Taryn snaps and attacks Gail. All of this commotion allows Velvet to come back from Eat Defeat in order to hit In Yo Face for the win.
Robbie E vs. Robbie T
This is happening? At least Robbie E can wrestle but am I supposed to care about a feud like this? Ugh. Alright, I’ll put this aside now and try to be positive.
Elise has asked why Robbie E’s clothes were designed by Lisa Frank. I may just piss myself.
I just could not be less into this match. The much much bigger guy shouldn’t be the face in a break up match.
Robbie E wins, as most of us saw. I’m just going to move on.
Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez vs. Daniels and Kazarian vs. Austin Aries and Robert Roode (TNA Tag Team Champions).
Chavo and Super Mex work really well as a team. Damn impressed. Daniels and Kaz need to be split up or refreshed. Aries and Roode are just two incredible singles wrestlers who just happen to team.
Elise is getting annoyed with constant bickering from the announcers. I’m trying to explain the greatness of Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon to her.
Wow I don’t know if I’ve never seen Aries in a match with this many people or just never noticed but what a ring general. Guy knows where he is at all times and is in charge of that ring. He can see the entire map and not just what’s right in front of him. His skills were already well known but now I’m paying attention to his mind and psychology.
Chavo fights out of the slingshot attempt by the champions and if you’re going to do a hot tag to anyone in this match Hernandez is a good choice.
Also if you’re going to do the mid air collision cross body spot both guys need to be able to run and Aries and Kazarian hit with so much force my stomach emptied.
Double back breaker by Super Mex may just make him in the top 5 strongest men in wrestling. I don’t think he’s ever truly shown off his strength.
This match goes faster and faster as all 6 men come at each other and by the time the next guy is down the first one is back. Its too fast to call but really puts over the tag team titles. I haven’t seen a tag title defense like this in a long time.
Chavo is going to splash Daniels, everyone else is out and the fans are going crazy. These fans would accept Chavo as TNA World champion at this moment. While Chavo was on top though Roode tagged himself in! Chavo hits the splash on Daniels but is no longer the legal man. Roode steals the pin and the fans are livid. Great ending.
Wes Brisco vs. Kurt Angle. Steel Cage match.
I would not put Angle in the top 2 or 3 in the world. Best hundred all time for sure. Maybe top 50. Also, I’m all for supporting Olympic wrestling too but maybe leave the blood out huh Kurt?
Angle really doesn’t seem to be into it tonight. Wes has a look to him but its not an incredibly unique look. Also, the headlock should not be gone to this early in a steel cage match. Angle is sitting in the headlock trying to egg the fans on to chant more. Ugh. Wes is just not ready for such a spot. If anything this should have been a tag match.
Angle flops off the top but gave Wes tons of time to roll out of the way. Wes gets up and fixes his hair and gives the fans shit. Is Wes intimidated by the crowd tonight? Wes gets Kurt down long enough to attempt a cage escape but Kurt drags him back. Wes rolls through and tosses Kurt into the cage. Kurt’s down and Brisco tries to climb out but its a large wall and Angle has time to come back. Kurt slams Wes’s head into the cage and then tosses him off the top rope with a German suplex. Nasty bit of work and its amazing the match didn’t end right there.
Kurt goes for a clothesline but Wes dodges it and we get a ref bump! Ref bump! Ref bump! Kurt hits another Angle Slam while the referee is down and then walks right out. But the referee is still down. D-Lo Brown comes out to knock Angle not down and out but down and back into the ring. He drags Wes out, hides, and this is where the referee wakes up. Wes Brisco is the winner.
4 vs. 4 WarGames Rules. Team TNA (Magnus, Erik Young, Samoa Joe, James Storm, Sting) vs. Team Aces and Eights (Mr Anderson, Knox, Garrett Bischoff, Devon, DOC)
Magnus vs. Kenny Anderson starts the match. They will fight for 3 minutes and then another guy enters the ring. So weird. Every match like this I’ve ever seen, the heels get the numbers advantage. There should really be an investigation.
Knox enters the ring next. Really, without blood these matches aren’t much. Its just some beat downs until the next number comes in. Not necessarily exciting.
Sides are even with the entrance of Samoa Joe. So, yup, sides are even and we have chokes in the corner just to save energy and kill time.
Garrett Bischoff enters the match and the fans chant “you cant wrestle”. Yeah, that’s what you want fans to do to a member of your major heel group. Heels are more effective if they can wrestle too. Then they come across as doubly dangerous. Not only will they do whatever it takes, they’ll don’t even need to cheat because they’re that fucking good.
Erik Young is out next. He drops his shorts, and dropkicks some Aces. Really you gotta love crazy Erik. Just a wild guy and yet one of the best wrestlers on the roster too. But the sides are even again and we’re at the time killing. Somehow Showtime seems just as worn down as Anderson and Magnus.
Devon enters the match. Not much not much. James Storm is the last member of Team TNA. No, wait, its still going on?! DOC is out now for Aces and Eights. Is he last? What in the shit? This is honestly a boring match. Aces and Eights celebrate together and then back to corner chokes.
OK Sting must be the last guy. And he brings out some weapons! Finally something interesting. Mike Tenay says the next pin or submission will win the match. Well, really its the first and only pin or submission. The match wasn’t elimination style. That would have been better though.
Taz is actually kind of funny when his guys are losing. “Where is security?!” “Can we get our hands on something, a butter knife, anything.” See that’s how you do good heel commentary. It was funny, sympathetic to the heels, and not at all just bickering snarky shit.
Once Sting brought out the trash can full of toys its been all Team TNA. Not even a close battle anymore. See, this is a much more interesting match. Just a damn shame there was soooooooo much set up.
Erik Young goes to hit someone with a bat and almost hits Sting. Everyone expects a heel turn, but no. These things just happen. People will avoid getting hit. This creates a domino shift in the arms race and now Aces and Eights have all the power.
Garrett Bischoff tries to escape the cage and an ass kicking. Storm and Magnus catch him but then we add more and more people to this and Samoa Joe launches off the Tower of Doom.
Aces and Eights are all down and Team TNA keeps the heat on. Sting talks EY into being as crazy as possible and Showtime launches off of the top of the cage. Well there is no following up a spot like that and sure as shit this match is over.
Bully Ray vs. Jeff Hardy (TNA World champion).
Wow. Two guys from the TLC match that changed the course of professional wrestling are now fighting over one of the World titles. That’s a long way to come.
Jeff Hardy just works better as a face, and Bully has to play the heel here. But with his current Hogan son in law story line its very interesting to see the fan reaction to this match. Both men are technically faces and doing a good job of appearing to be respectful to their opponent.
Its kind of a laid back match until…
Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff climb into the ring. Jeff fights them off. Bully hits a double clothesline and lets Hardy launch off of him to hit the leg splash in the corner. I always wondered what it would be like to have two of the TLC people team up with opposite partners.
Aces and Eights are out of the ring and these two go back to fighting for the TNA gold. Both men are battling on the ropes and Hardy hits a big kick from the top but falls off. Bully is knocked loopy and falls onto Hardy. Good way to get the TNA title over, both men will harm themselves to hold it.
Bubba, or is it Bully, Bomb off the top rope and it jars both men. Cant believe Ray’s tailbone can take that jarring.
Hulk Hogan comes out in crutches and Brooke Hogan is out as well with her father as a crutch for her career and life. The Hogans know best and the best thing here is apparently cheering on Bully Ray. Hogan warns Bully that Aces and Eights are surrounding the ring. Bully pulls out two pieces of chain and hands one to Hardy to fend off Aces. They stand back to back but now Ray is face to face with Devon. Devon tosses Ray a hammer, and he uses that to blast Jeff Hardy. The Dudley Boyz, Team 3D, reunite and Aces and Eights back off to accept their champion. Bully Ray pins Jeff Hardy to become the new TNA World heavyweight champion.
Brooke flips out and Bully gets some fantastic heel heat. He goes against everything he’s been doing for months and flips the switch to become full on asshole Dudley heel once again. Ray is one of the few heels that can insight a riot with his mic work and now he’s the number one man for a company. This could be really really fucking good.
Ray near immediately calls Brooke a bitch and he’s lucky he’s inside that cage. The fans are eating this up. They’ve started to toss trash at the ring. A lot of trash. I haven’t seen this much since the formation of the nWo.
Bully also reveals he’s the President of the Aces and Eights. Yeah, no one cares about titles, just be an asshole.
